the archives of my old site. No longer regularly maintained.
Perspective. Its amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you. I re-read last nights blog and the
tired section sounds so over dramatic. I was going to edit it out but that just feels false. Where's the point in doing this in real time if you're going to go back and change it?
Home. On my way back from work I collected Sharon from the hospital. She is still no better but she seems to be coping emotionally a little more. The journey home tired her out and she's been asleep ever since. I think she's dreading the 4 week labour thing. The doctors haven't been able to tell us any more, especially as to what is causing the problem. All they can say is that for as long as neither Sharon or the baby are in any danger they would prefer to let things remain as they are.
Childishness. The dummies (pacifiers) came today. They rock. Just another reason for us to look forward to Connor being born.
Exit. I finished work today and it feels strange. I was in a rush to get out and meet Sharon so I hardly had tie to consider the symbolism as I exited the building and left behind my only secure, stable source of income. I know that I will be back there a few times over the next few months but that will be as a contractor and just feels different. I should be nervous about the future I suppose but the occupations of the present don't leave much time for that. To an extent I guess that I am guilty of burying my head in the sand for fear that, if I took time to consider the ramifications of everything that has happened this week it would overwhelm me.
Diversions. Sharon's asleep and the kids are at their Nanny's so (after a 15 minute kip on the sofa) I've had a bit of time to explore some web based diversions to cheer me up. Today has been a bit of a gold mine to be honest. (how sad must I be if thats the highlight of my day).
Cocoon for men ”It’s a big scary world out there, full of responsibilities, difficult situations and death. But you simply don’t want to face it."
Bullies reunited So not from the people behind friends reunited.
Gimp roulette The best russian roulette game on the web!
Vector Park Fascinating. Take some time to explore it.
Reach out and touch. I wrote an email to the webmaster of a blog I keep tabs on over at
confessions of a hootress to say that I liked her sight and frequently dropped by. She
mentioned it on her blog today. Isn't it cool when you see that something you say touches the people you say it to?
Good news and bad Sharon can come home tomorrow (provided there's no disasters overnight). Her consultant finally came to see her this afternoon. Although she's having contractions every 5 to 10 minutes she's not actually giving birth. So the consultant said they want to leave it as long as possible before they deliver Connor to give him the maximum amount of time to develop. Whilst this is good news for Connor, its bad news for Sharon. Because she is so "uncomfortable" (i.e. in immense pain!!) they've brought the caesarean forward from 39 weeks to 38 and will deliver her on 24 June. However, this means she will, in effect, be in labour for over 4 weeks!! She wants whats best for Connor but she doesn't know if she can cope with another 28 days of this pain.
Stopping the kids from hassling her during this time will be difficult too. James has coped well so far but he knows Mummy is not here. Telling him that he can't go to her when she is here will be a different matter completely. And Chloe is a drama queen at the best of times. I hope to god that the gravity of the situation gets through to them without stressing them out to much either.
Income:zero Tomorrow is my last day at work. Despite Sharon coming out of hospital, I'm going to go in to clear my desk and do some of the hand over I'm supposed to have done this week. I don't know how to feel; I'm finally free of a job I hated with a passion but just as we are about to add another member to our family I'm suddenly without an income. I make some money from my business but not enough to support us (and because I have some income I'm not even entitled to much in the way of state benefit).
Tired. Sharon's pain has stopped her from sleeping for nearly 3 days now and she's in pieces. So I'm tyring to be strong for her but what with all the jobs around the house and Jim constantly waking up and wanting his Mummy I've not had much sleep myself. I just feel so exhausted and what with caring for Sharon, looking after the kids and then Connor when he arrives there isn't an end in sight. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon that she's coming home, but I desperately need some rest.
Fun. There's oodles of light relief to be had over at
steakandcheese.com. Some of it is distinctly adult and some of it is very (VERY) gross, but there's some funny stuff in there.
Thoughtful insight. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen today..........
Hospital At 5 o'clock this morning Sharon started having contractions without actually going into labour (don't ask, because I probably couldn't answer). The doctors gave her Pethadrin to stop the contraction which left her a little disorientated (at one point she was seeing bunny rabbits in the ward - I asked but they refused to give me any, spoil sports). If Connor arrived now he would be 5 - 6 weeks premature. There is talk about delivering him soon but the longer they can leave it the better for Connor. Unfortunately, no-one seems to know what is going to happen.
This is supposed to be my last week at work and I've got loads to hand over bit it doesn't look like I'll be making it in much. I was also supposed to have an interview tomorrow for a new job. It never rains when it pours does it?
My head is swimming with 1001 different things I'm supposed to be doing. Unfortunately I can't get any of them to stand still for long enough to actually remember what they are.
The only good thing to happen is that Chloe and James are being very well behaved whilst their Mummy is in hospital making it so much easier to look after them.
Fit birds and tennis. Anna Kournikova lost her first round match and then
threw a hissy fit in a BBC interview afterwards. Should we not stop a while a give her a little slack. Is it her fault that the world has put her on a huge pedestal and demanded great things of her that she may not be capable of living up to? Anna is ranked 54th in the world. Would we question anyone else with this ranking who disappeared early?
Anna's not the one to blame for the position that she is in. It is the media and the advertising industry that have hyped her looks to the point where she is famous beyond her tennis abilities. If she wants to milk that for every penny then good on her. Wouldn't you if someone offered you £10 million?
However, she has to accept that the fame and fortune are not without a price. If she continues to milk the media machine then she has to accept a few sour pints. People are going to question why she's earning so much money when she's clearly not as good as some other players (let not say she's crap, she's ranked 54th or summat which means there are only 53 women in the whole world who are better than her). People are going to accuse her of riding on her looks not her ability. Some people are going to try to further their careers by getting a rise out of her in an interview. She just has to cope with that.
Come on the underdog!! Continuing the theme from the World Cup, Wimbledon has produced some surprise results from the early rounds.
Pete Sampras, Andre Agassi and Marat Safin (apparently tipped for good things) all crashed out of the tournament losing to virtual unknowns. For the biggest tournament in the UK, a nation known for its support of the underdog, this provides an element of excitement and uncertainty that seems to be missing from a lot of major sporting events these days.
Worry & Stress. Sharon phoned me at midday today to tell me she was in the hospital. The consultant is worried about the effect that the baby is having on her caesarean scars. Apparently it's causing her to have weak contractions. So they're keeping her in tonight and will review it in the morning but she could be there for a while. Apparently it's quite serious, they've even given her steriods to promote the development of the baby's lungs just incase they have to deliver him early.
Family. Aren't family superb? We've not been getting on with Sharon's mum just lately, but when it came down to it she was there and had the James for the day and Chloe for the evening. I've got the kids at home tonight but tomorrow I've gotta go to Luton ready for a job interview on Thursday. You know, I'd love to have just one month were nothing major happened. But, when all is said and done, I've got it easy compared to Sharon.
Nurses. Having spent the day in hospital, Sharon was full of praise for the nurses and doctors. You hear a lot these days about the state of the NHS but, at the end of the day, the UK has one of the best state provided health care systems in the world.
Nothing funny today. Do you wanna do my ironing for me?
New Clothes. The trousers for my new suit arrived this morning having been altered. I feel like a kid with new clothes that has to wear them immediately. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever grow up. It does make a diiference though, the colour. I was pretty sceptical at the course last week, but I can see what she meant now.
A good afternoon. I had the afternoon of work to do the outplacement consultancy thing again. We spent 2 hours talking about job interviews because I have 2 coming up. I always thought I was pretty well prepared and that I didn't need to do too much else. Maybe not.
Worry. We may have to bring the date of Sharon's caesarean forward by a week because the scars from her previous c-sections are tender. We're also worried about the damage that can happen to the baby if the scars rupture during an early natural birth.
Fun. I'm not one to jump on other blogger's band wagons. It feels like if I use someone else's
What XXXX are you? it kinda detracts from their original post. However, I've had soooo much fun with
this simple
Google game that I had to post it. I first read about it on
leatheregg.com. So here goes with
"Aardvarks are..." (edited to remove crap).
Still either 4 or 5 weeks until Connor is born but we've already bought him his first dummies (or pacifiers as the Americans call them). From
billybobteeth.biz in the states I've ordered these:
How cool are they?
Another blog. Finally, I've been following the blog of someone else who's expecting a baby soon over at
"confessions of a hootress".
What is it about our children that reduces us to quivering neurotic jelly? James had a temperature last night, probably caused by a viral infection. The sane, rational course of action is to give him some kiddie specific painkillers to control the temperature and keep an eye on him. So why was I convinced he was dieing and had to fight the urge to rush him to hospital? Sharon finally cracked this morning and took him to the doctor's surgery where she was told we were doing the right things already and it was probably an ear or water infection.
You ever think about a mistake you made in the past and how it made other people think of you? When my first wife was ill I made joke about the inherintance I would get when she died (she was terminally ill). It was within the context of the conversation at the time and it was a joke that she had made herself. However, it was completely inappropriate, said without forethought and it upset her considerably. She died 2 months later. Recently I can't get it out of my head that I really upset her and I don't know whether it changed her opinion of me. At the time I was so wrapped up in the care that she needed that I'm not sure we really talked at all after that incident. She may have gone to her grave hating me and not have said anything. And there's nothing I can do about it now.
While i was surfing today I came across the blog of someone else who's not been feeling too well but I guess it puts my problems into perspective:
Vincent? My brother? Someone to whom I'm supposedly connected by blood? I hate him.
Just been watching an old
Men Behaving Badly Xmas Special which has had me in stitches and cheered me right up. Just in time to go to bed.
that's a nice rock!
me:
sex:male
age:30
status:married
children:3
Listening:
Barry Diston:Unreleased Stuff
Reading:
Weblogs
Terry Pratchett
Maps
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Bugger all at the mo, to be honest
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