the archives of my old site. No longer regularly maintained.
Thursday Saturday ThSearch. A recurring theme with a title stolen from
PromoGuy. Here are the top 5 strangest (and/or sickest) in ascending order............
5)
Goldfish sex - Pssst! Wanna rent a video? Just give me 5 minutes with my camera and the kids goldfish tank...................
4)
baby in sex media player loading - I sincerely hope that this was not the search I think it was. Otherwise I'm just off to get my gun. Anyone fancy forming a lynch mob?
3)
Pictures of goldfish sandwiches - Why? Why on earth would.......... Just why? And I ranked number 2 in the search results.
2)
Wife as your security blanket - I'm just trying to picture the chain of events that led to someone typing that search into the Yahoo query box. I fail every time. I'm impressed at the dedication of someone who was still checking out links by result number 55 though.
1)
How to get a blow job from your sister in law - Some people's belief that the internet can help them overcome all obstacles is just bizarre.
Celebrate good times, c'mon! We' gathered together tonight, a group of us that have had new arrivals over the last 2 months. They were all boys and we were the first of the bunch to welcome our new life to the world.
Unfortunately, having had just 1 hours sleep in the last 48, I am now significantly more drunk than every one else and I'm off to bed. G'night and God bless!
And the winner is..... As
voted for by
Hootress (or is that "Former Hootress" or even "Mia's Mama"?), and I'm depressed to note only Hootress, the black and white aardvark has been installed as the new background to
aardvarkzilla. There will be a naming ceremony and presentation as soon as I can be arsed. (It's been a long day.)
Happy, Happy, Happy. So here I am, after about an hours sleep, ready to embark on the lowest paid job I have had since I was a paperboy 16 years ago. What a bunch of unrested, uncalled for, desperate for the money
arseburgers!
Sabotaged. It never ceases to amaze me the number of ways my own body finds to betray me. Noisy bodily functions during important meetings. Lack of energy during grueling tasks. The (very) occassional failure to perform to the usual standards in bed. And now, here I am, on the first night an age that I really needed some decent kip because I've got a 4.30am start, and after 2 hours lying in bed I'm no closer to the soothing bosom of unconsciousness than I was at lunchtime.
Instead I've spent 2 hours tossing and turning whilst my brain churns over the 1000 and 1 things that I am supposed to be doing over the next few weeks. So I decided. I've made myself a nice hot milky drink and I'm going to list some of the things I need to do. That way I can stop thinking about them.
- Check disco for RSC on 1 November.
- Chase motorbike insurance claim.
- Follow up disco kit insurance claim.
- Speak to therapist about possibly restarting treatment.
See! Now that I'm up and about, I can't even remember half the stuff that was bugging me when I was in bed. Chuffing arseburgers!
- Re-issue contract for 22 December.
- Cancel doctors appointment?
- Email redundancy counsellor
- Rewire lights on trailer.
- Sort out perspex for light screens.
- Issue invoice to NSK (bastards!)
- Put Man Utd football for sale on Ebay.
- See if I can become the No 1 site on Google for my favourite phrase of the month: Arseburgers!
- Finish the CSS for the new layout.
Is there enough there? Nope! I'm sure there was more than that bugging me about 10 minutes ago. Oh well. I have to get up in 3 1/2 hours to go do this crappy job which I know I'm gonna hate. So I suppose I really ought to go back to bed and try to sleep. Oh yeah, whilst I remember:
arseburgers!
Movement. After registering with a driving staff agency
yesterday, I got a phone call this afternoon offering me some "drivers mate" work. Basically I have to be up at 4.30am and out of the house by 5.00am ready to start work at 6.00am. I will accompany a delivery driver, reading maps and helping load and unload for anywhere between 6 and 10 hours. All in return for a poxy £40 ($65) before tax.
To say I'm not looking forward to it is an understatement, but needs must when the devil rides (or something like that). Unfortunately it appears to be one of the few options available to me to keep the wolf from the door (well, postpone his arrival for a few extra weeks).
Purple or Black? So which do we reckon is the better background? This purple one or
this black and white one?
Wishing the worst, wanting the best. What is it about us, that when we think we're good and/or experienced at something, we almost wish other people would mess up so that we can offer them guidance and assistance.
Sharon and I went round to see Jack and Karen with there new son Zak. Zak is their first child whilst Sharon and I have 3 so we have a wealth of tips and experience to pass onto them. Only, they don't appear to need it. They seem to be breezing through these first couple of weeks. Zak is sleeping for 4 to 5 hours every night. The two of them seem perfectly at ease and not stressed at all. I was almost disappointed. I was robbed of my chance to help out, to give them the benefit of my sagely wisdom.
I'm also a little envious. For all of our experience, Sharon and I are not finding it so easy. That's not to say we're having a tough time of it. Just that, with everything that has happened over the last 3 to 4 months, we are both feeling a little blue at the moment. Me more so than Sharon.
CSS woes. OK. I've got an aardvark up in the background. Like it? Its the logo from my
entertainment agency which took me ages to design earlier this year (I'm not very artistic or design minded).
Now I'm just having real difficulties controlling the font and font size on the page using CSS. I've tried placing a "font: verdana 10pt;" in the style for the body and in each of the styles for the various boxes but it makes no difference.
As a temporary measure, I'm having to use a HTML < smaller > tag to reduce the font size in the side navigation boxes.
Inertia. I've been out of work for too long. Today I went and registered with a recruitment agency for some multi-drop van driving work. It consists of loading a van with parcels needing delivering to 20 or 30 different places and then working out your route. At one point whilst the guy in the office was explaining this to me, I actually caught myself doubting my ability to do this.
It's not well paid, but it will reduce the amount by which we are in debt by the time my new job starts. It should also get me out of the house on a regular basis and put some structure into my day.
Almost There! The new layout is almost done. Let me know what you think of it. I've still got a few alterations to make here and there but not too much.
The background image is possibly just a temporary one, if I can find something better then I may replace it. Any ideas?
Still going. CSS is not my strong point and its taking a lot of trial and error to get this working. I want the posts to appear in separate boxes and the Date Headers to. Unfortunately that means I get a little empty box between posts on the same day. I don't think I can avoid this. Ho Hum!
I seem to be having problems controlling the Font size too.
Bear with me. As you can tell, I'm in the middle of changing the template for this site. Unfortunately I now have to go out. I will finish it soon (promise)!
that's a nice rock!
me:
sex:male
age:30
status:married
children:3
Listening:
Barry Diston:Unreleased Stuff
Reading:
Weblogs
Terry Pratchett
Maps
Watching:
Bugger all at the mo, to be honest
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