...... I've written and thrown away about 4 entries since Friday. I've not known what to say. Facing up to what Thursday means to me is difficult. It scares me that I've had an anxiety attack because that is so far removed from the person I used to be that I don't know where I'm going at the moment.
I used to be confident. I thought I was unshakeable. I thrived on pressure and stress, using it to motivate me to get things done. Over the last 6 years that seems to have changed slowly but completely culminating in an anxiety attack.
Briefly, I had a spell of about 30 to 60 minutes where I got increasingly anxious about a lot of different things. I started worrying about not being able to get a job. I worried about not coping with the arrival of my son. I worried about just about anything that entered my head. At one point I started questioning Sharon's motives for wanting to be with me. By this time I knew I was being paranoid and irrational but I could do nothing about it. As I got steadily more anxious about things my chest got tight and I could feel my heart pounding. Finally I ended breaking down in tears whilst talking to Sharon.
The experience has left my kind of phased. For most of the weekend my head has felt like it's full of cotton wool and I feel constantly tired. Concentrating on anything for a reasonable amount of time is a task.
Over the last 72 hours my mood has fluctuated quite considerably. When distracted or absorbed in something I've been OK but as soon as I stop and think it crashes again. I am thinking about speaking to my GP about it but I worry that she will recommend anti-depressants and I really want to steer clear of that.
What I need to do is get myself motivated and start making inroads into the long list of stuff that I need to do. Take the pressure of myself. We'll see how that goes over the next few days.
that's a nice rock!
me:
sex:male
age:30
status:married
children:3
Listening:
Barry Diston:Unreleased Stuff
Reading:
Weblogs
Terry Pratchett
Maps
Watching:
Bugger all at the mo, to be honest
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